How to Talk to a Woman Who is Wearing Headphones (corrected version)

how-to-talk-to-a-woman-who-is-wearing-headphones2[1]

  1. Confirm that she is indeed wearing headphones (from a comfortable distance, DON’T WALK UP TO HER YET.)
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Lost things

crowd

When I’m watching people
it’s not a game of who has the funniest
walk or the weirdest face,
instead I think about what
they’ve lost. It could be a keepsake, a
tooth, a loved one, or a mind
it doesn’t matter, we’ve
all lost something along the way,
even a newborn’s lost it’s first home.
It’s a unique game in that it’s
simple to master, but impossible to play.
Still I do, maybe hoping I’ll
find my own lost things there.

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25 Incredible Facts You Won’t Find In A Book (Because They Are Completely Unsubstantiated)

Hey you.  Yeah you, in the Christmas sweater.  First of all, dude come on… it’s August.  Second, do you like lists?  YOU DO?  Awesome, because I’ve prepared the mother of all lists right here.  It’s epic and wondrous.  Do you have to go to the bathroom?  If so, I recommend you go now.  I’ll wait.
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The Toll Bridge (NSFW)

I hate taking walks.

Don’t get me wrong, nature is pretty and I’m thankful for this whole “wondrous miracle of being alive” or whatever.  If you want me to be completely honest though there’s a laptop at my house that’s full of games, anime, and porn and it’s just sitting there waiting for me to get back to it.  Instead I’m out here, and if you’re wondering why then I have five words for you: God damned Greg fucking King.
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I said I was going to post something every day and that is not entirely a lie.

This, for instance, counts as “something.”

I realize that it’s probably not what you want.  You’re more than likely looking for something funny or poetic or thought provoking, but you’re getting this, but if it’s any consolation I have a good reason for it.  I’m working on an epic list article and I don’t think I’m going to get it finished today. I’m honestly bummed about that because I’m really hoping you find it as funny as I do.
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An Open Letter to People Who Read Open Letters Written By Celebrities

Let me start with a disclaimer lest anyone get the wrong impression here.  I am not a celebrity.  This is not an open letter from a celebrity, nor is it specifically written to be read by a celebrity, though if a celebrity so chooses then I guess I’m down with that.  This is an open letter for those folks who would generally read open letters to celebrities from other celebrities, and though I may have lost some readership the moment some of you found out I was not a celebrity, I feel that it’s important that I fully disclose who I am so you realize that I am an honest person with your best interests in mind.
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News (8/10/2015)

It’s time once again to focus on writing.
I sat down a few minutes ago to write the poem I posted earlier today and realized that even something like that which used to come to me so easily, is now a challenge. In that realization I decided that I would start writing at least once a day and post it here. I apologize in advance for whatever awful garbage this produces. It’s something that has to be done.
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