Ten adorable puppies that will distract you from the realization that you and everyone you know will one day be dead.

We all love puppies, I mean who doesn’t?   Let’s face it, if you don’t like pictures of puppies you’re probably a terrorist.  Here are a few to help you stop thinking about drinking your miserable life away at the end of every wretched day as we stumble through this life, like the mindless, shuffling zombies we’re all turning into.

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10.  Nipperdoodles

Nipperdoodles (“Nipper” for short) likes cuddling and roughhousing with his brothers and sisters.  He also loves getting into lots of mischief!  This little fella is trouble with a capital “T”.  It almost makes you forget that the excessive strain we’ve put on our resources is now completely unsustainable and that it will eventually drive us all into another dark age.


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9.  Winks

This silly girl is all about as cute as they come!  Her favorite part of the day is when she gets to play outside in the dirt, but she HATES baths.  She’s a puffball with an attitude and when she wags that teeny-tiny tail your heart will just melt.  Much like the polar ice caps which are melting at a rate of approximately twelve percent each decade.  I hope you eventually get used to those baths Winks!


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8.  Sir Sniffles

Sir Sniffles may only be a few months old but he’s wise beyond his years.  He already knows how to shake, sit, and fetch (though you might get some bonus drool in the process!)  He’ll play with you for hours on end, no matter what your home life is like.  He won’t understand or even care that those bills are piling up faster than you’re getting paid, or that you can’t answer your phone anymore because it’s almost always a collector.  He loves you for who you are, even if you’re useless and don’t deserve the love of anyone!


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7.  Mocha

Whoa there, partner!  Whatever it is you’re doing, you can be assured that Mocha will be right next to you.  He’s as curious as he is loyal and he’s sure to make fast friends with any “explorers” in the family.  Don’t plan any adventures without him!  Not that you have adventures anymore.  You’re an adult now, and those days are long gone and only getting further away with every passing second.  That twinge you feel in your wrist right now, even as you read this?  That’s probably arthritis.  It’s probably best that you don’t even get a dog at your age.


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6.  Asparagus

As you can see from this picture, Asparagus isn’t a vegetable!  He’s one wild child!  That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have tons of love for everybody he meets.  It’d be nice if more people were so apt to love unconditionally like Asparagus, wouldn’t it?  The wicked things of which human beings are capable, all of the atrocities wrought by our own remorseless hands, it’s just astounding.  Why are we so driven to reach such devastating ends?


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5.  Buffy

What is there to say about Buffy?  She’s a free spirit, a pixie, a child of the earth.  She loves tummy rubs and running through the grass.  This little lady needs a little tenderness and lots of room to play!  That’s probably not going to be possible, you little rascal, because between 1982 and 1992, the United States lost an average of 400,000 acres of farmland to development every year. This translates into 45.7 acres per hour every day lost to the decayed, tendrils of urban sprawl.


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4.  Delia

Hey there Delia, you’re a sweet little thing!  Who’s a sweet thing?  That’s right, you are!  You probably don’t know this, but you’re probably named indirectly after one of a few songs written about Delia Green, a fourteen year old girl who died on Christmas day in 1900 after being shot in front of several people by her alleged lover, Moses “Cooney” Houston during a spat the night before.   Houston was asked to leave minutes prior to his murderous deed and was only allowed to stay by promising he would settle down and behave.  Despite Houston reportedly confessing to the arresting officer that he’d shot Delia for calling him a “son of a bitch” and that he’d do it again, he only served twelve years in prison before being granted parole.


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3.  Oreo

Oh Oreo!   This polka dotted pal is pondering some of life’s greatest questions.  Just kidding!  He looks like it though, doesn’t he?  Look at this little guy.  Sometimes I wish that I could talk to dogs, don’t you?  I wonder what they’d say?  It’d be nice really, just to have someone to talk to at night when I go home.  Puppies can’t talk though.  They’re just dogs.


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2.  Fluffers McFrown-town

Oh. Sorry everyone, as it turns out our little buddy Fluffers McFrown-town had to be put down recently.  Don’t worry, he didn’t do anything bad, he just had heart problems.  He was actually pretty darn great, even at the end.  It was congestive heart failure and it was seriously bad news.  He was suffering a lot, so this really was the right thing to do.  Everybody here really, really loved Fluffers.


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1.  Pepper

Pepper is a great dog too.  He’s not Fluffers McFrown-town, but you know.  Pepper is okay.  I mean whatever.  Pepper is a dog.  They’re all dogs and eventually they’re all going to die just like Fluffers had too.  We might as well accept that.  The only thing worse than that is if they outlive you, because then instead of you having to endure the heartbreak, they’ll have to.  How terrible is that?  I mean you’d have to be a monster.  I feel sick to my stomach, I’m going to go lie down now.

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About thestsp

Brenton Smith used to live in a haunted house. I mean, he never saw a ghost or anything, but he used to hear crap all the time. Also one time while he was in bed, he thinks something touched his leg. He and his friends eventually gave the ghost a silly name and it went away embarrassed. He still feels guilty about that sometimes.
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